Sunday, November 11, 2018

Los Angeles Measure B and The Public Banking Solution?

Los Angeles Measure B and The Public Banking Solution?
By Angela Smith, HEAL National Coordinator/Co-Founder

I had the opportunity last night to catch up on some of The Jimmy Dore Show on Youtube and saw the segment (available here https://youtu.be/wotbxvukJjA) on Los Angeles' Measure B.  One of the first things I noticed was that Madeline Merritt was well composed and had prepared talking points.  I read the poster describing the measure shown in the background of the clip.  And, it said the measure would permit the city to explore the creation of a public bank and remove one of the impediments for setting up a public bank in the city.  See segment linked above to view the poster.

Initially, I was excited.  I support making the Federal Reserve a public utility, but, that was as I understood it and perhaps not as Ellen Brown meant it.  See, Ellen Brown has set up the Public Banking Institute and supported the Los Angeles Measure B efforts.  And, historically and to this day I support my understanding of the intended or stated purpose of a public bank, but, remain concerned that bankers and not the public or those holding deposits would retain a say in how the funds generated through such a bank would be distributed and invested.  With a credit union, the funds would go directly back to the members (i.e. any and all account holders) and as members they would have voting rights, elect the board from their own members/account holders, and be non-profit.  See: https://www.calstatela-fcu.org/about-us/credit-union-difference  The difference between a credit union and a bank is that a credit union gives control to the people and a bank gives control to bankers.  It would appear that the solution for better democratizing the economy, as is the stated goal of the Green Party,  would be to establish credit unions at the local level which would do all the good of any proposed public banking solution without creating another loophole for exploitation and corruption by those who claim to be the "new and improved" banking elite.

Now, the Public Banking Institute claims that a credit union is not lawful for cities or states to create, or implies as much, and that a credit union couldn't handle the transactions of a large city or state.[1]  The largest credit union in the world, Navy Federal, has 5 million members.[2]  Los Angeles has 4 million people.[3]  So, a city credit union would work and be a more democratic solution.  And, 27 states in the United States have less than 5 million as their whole population.[4]  So, both states and large cities could run an effective non-profit credit union that would help further democratize how funds are spent and give the people the power to elect the union board and control how union funds are used through a representative process and direct voting rights.  This is a much better solution than any public banking option if the goal is to expand freedom and power to the people.

Measure B was fairly stupid as was the promotional poster for it.  For one, apparently the council had already been discussing the possibility (exploring the creation) of a public bank for at least a year when they voted on the ordinance to get the measure put on the ballot.[5]  Now, the ordinance just says to put a question on the ballot to Los Angeles voters and doesn't explain anything about what type of bank, who would run it, who would pay for it, or who would control it.  And, the voters voted no for the most part as they should.  And, the question was, "Shall the city charter be amended to allow the City to establish a municipal financial institution or bank?"  The city charter does not need to be amended to establish a non-profit credit union.  Any purely commercial enterprise, like a sports arena (my guess), requires approval by popular vote of constituency.  But, there appears to be no rules in the city charter against the city establishing a credit union or non-profit community bank.  And, cities around the country have established credit unions.  And, even Washington State has a statewide credit union that is non-profit and a cooperative of those who choose to become a member.[6]

So, states and cities can and legally do establish credit unions.  And, these are better for the people than any public bank option.  So, for everyone who wants to start fixing this shit, moving to a credit union or establishing one, is the smarter and better choice.  It would also seem a plan the Green Party would support.  At least Republicans respect our troops and my family is all four branches.  Navy Federal wins.


Friday, November 9, 2018

Going Dutch? Advice for Dating on a Budget


Going Dutch?  Advice for Dating on a Budget
By Angela Smith, HEAL National Coordinator/Co-Founder

Referenced in previous posts, "going Dutch" means to split the cost of the check, typically when speaking about dating.  In the event you or your date are on a tight budget, you may need some suggestions for having an inexpensive interaction that is enjoyable for all.  Again, to avoid promoting gender inequality, it is best to "go Dutch" until everyone is comfortable having an adult conversation about personal physical boundaries and delights.  It is unfair for one party to a date to cover the entire cost while the other party's only responsibility is as an escort.  And, when that is the standard it leads to misunderstandings regarding what to expect out of the encounter.  To avoid injustice on all sides, it is best when starting new relationships or even going out once or twice that everyone split the check.  This will show both people are truly interested in spending time with each other and getting to know each other rather than some form of passive prostitution or a situation that could be understood as such given historical and socio-environmental factors.

Even if you and/or your date are not on a tight budget, you may wish not to spend a lot to avoid setting up expectations for continued expensive outings early on in any relationship.  And, in the event your date likes to spend beyond their means or expects you to do the same, it will likely end poorly.  The double entendre is intended there.

Now, when two individuals find that splitting a check may require a more frugal approach to chosen activities for the first few dates (or more), what activities might be best on a budget?  Below are a few suggestions:

1.  Go for a Walk or Hike Together  (FREE Depending on Location and Time of Year)

2.  Go on a Picnic  (INEXPENSIVE: You bring food, date brings wine/beverages, etc.)

3.  When Comfortable Enough, At Home Activities (i.e. Your or your date's home split food and entertainment costs.  Such as ordering delivery and watching a film or playing a game already available without further expense.)

4.  Volunteer Together  (Lots of ways: Soup Kitchens, Beach Clean Up, Animal Sanctuaries, just to name a few direct care and service options for volunteering.)

5.  Free Events (i.e.  Run a search for free events in your area on http://www.google.com or your favorite search engine and see what you find.  If in the Seattle area, you might find this page: https://www.greaterseattleonthecheap.com/free-and-cheap-things-to-do-in-seattle-this-weekend/  (Includes free and up to $10 live music and free dancing, inexpensive international film festivals as well.)

6.  Going for a Drive?  (If so, split the cost of gas.  That's true regardless of whether you are carpooling to a chosen activity or simply going for a drive as the activity.)

7.  Going for a Train Ride or Boat/Ferry Ride?  (Split the cost or everyone pays for their own fare.  This is fun.  Under $10 for adults for Ferry Ride in Puget Sound area.  You could bring a picnic with you depending on the rules of the particular venue.)

8.  Take A Class Together Of Interest to You and Your Date  (Seattle Central College offers short courses on a number of things including gardening and basic home repair and maintenance, crafts, food and wine, and more.  The gardening course I checked was only $29/person.  Home repair and gardening are skills most should have if planning to be self-reliant or share responsibilities at some point.  See: http://learnatcentral.org/lifelong-learning/home-garden-classes/)

9.  Library or Bookstore Challenge  (You and your date go to a bookstore or library and try to pick out each other's favorite author based on what you know.  Could be fun and tell you and your date how well you know each other at the given point.)

10.  Museum or Gallery Visit (Depending on the museum/gallery, it might be free to view the art.  Many museums and galleries offer free admission days, so, check the schedule.  And, even Seattle Art Museum is only $17-$25/per person depending on exhibits.  But, given location there may be parking and transportation costs.)


So, ten ideas or more for things you can do on a date that are respectable, fun, and inexpensive.  The above are less expensive than even most dinner and theater dates.  One might say they are even less expensive than a night of bowling, depending on alcohol consumption and venue.  Some alleys in Seattle cost $30+/hour per lane, plus shoe and ball rentals (for those without their own).  If you add on alcoholic beverages, snacks, or other costs, you might be looking at $75+ for the night.  But, not too expensive depending on your budget.

I sincerely hope this helps everyone who is making plans with new love interests and that everyone exercises a true commitment to equality in romantic relationships by going Dutch and truly showing an interest in your date as a person and not a prop, dupe, or some sort of passive paid escort. 

Tuesday, November 6, 2018

My Learning Curve


My Learning Curve
by Angela Smith, HEAL National Coordinator/Co-Founder

I understand most people, even when they care deeply about an issue, do not have the time or desire to invest in honing their advocacy skills to the point of efficacy.  And, that most people expect raising awareness about a problem is the entire purpose of any activist or advocacy group.  I believe that is faulty and based on ignorance and a lack of study.  But, not everyone has the same experience or opportunity I have had to go to college and become as informed or skilled as I am and therefore I do not lay fault entirely at the feet of those who mimic what they see on television as effective activism.

I've found that the rhetoric of achieving a "critical mass" to demand change is inaccurate and flawed.  If you are unfamiliar with this concept, it was touted by activists in Seattle as achieving 10% of the population supporting a specific cause or issue to help pressure government officials to take action on that specific cause or issue.  And, "raising awareness" is the tool used to garner support to build a movement to the point of reaching "critical mass", arguably, in order to create the public pressure needed to influence or effect change. 

I have spent many years trying to build this elusive "critical mass" and rally people to effective action by creating petitions, letter writing campaigns, and reports which provide opportunity for action and greater understanding of the issue if approaching government officials independently or writing letters with the need of facts to support any recommendations for legislators.  And, I've found that "critical mass" isn't necessary for creating real change and you really just need a few dedicated people who can understand politics, policy, existing law, and how to navigate the legislative process.  Bills I've supported or assisted with getting introduced, have often passed and been made law.  There is still work to be done, but, if it is a good idea based on sound information, often you can get the job done working with your legislators.

It is great if people who support your issue or cause will write letters to support legislation and participate.  But, it isn't absolutely necessary and building a "critical mass" can in fact be a distraction from efficacy.  The same is true for organizations that focus on fundraising over advocacy and legislation.  The issue appears to be that most people don't really want to do the research and work to find out where the loopholes or issues exist in current laws resulting in injustice or harm and seem to just want to complain and blame legislators for not getting it right in the first place.  But, finding out the actual problems and providing solutions that legislators can work with so the issues can be effectively addressed is the responsibility of the constituency in a participatory republic. 

But, there are systemic issues of oppression that result in people being conditioned by Machiavellian authoritarians that result in many parts of the constituency suffering learned helplessness and feeling hopeless regarding change because of institutionalized abuses.  And, that coupled with propaganda and "fake news" results in making building a "critical mass" very difficult.  See, people misled by misinformation and disinformation while being overworked, underpaid, generally disrespected and disregarded, and then told they better participate (whether by voting or joining a cause), tend to not have the time or energy to do the research or be effective in addressing the areas of the law needing redress for them to experience any real justice or relief via reforms.  And, people who avoid looking at the suffering caused by their own exploitative practices and greed, tend to focus on issues their friends are into like Animal Rights, rather than helping the less fortunate in their own society. 

There are really only two ways to solve problems legally.  One is to provide direct care or service to the victims of the abuses you want to see addressed.  For example, animal sanctuaries for abused animals and soup kitchens for the hungry count as direct care and service.  Unfortunately, running such establishments require funding and most of the fundraising charities don't focus on or even provide direct care or service. And, if fundraising with tax-exempt status, they are not able to effectively work on addressing issues through the legislative process, so, really nothing more than glorified tax havens and likely or arguably astroturf groups regardless of claims made or praise received. 

If donating, pick a charity that provides direct care and service ethically (check requirements for services to make sure those being served are not being further exploited) or support an advocacy organization that may not be tax exempt but is effective in creating legislative reforms that effectively address the issues you care about as a supporter.

I encourage everyone to participate, check out our videos and legislative efforts that may aid you in creating real change on any issue you care about, including animal welfare/rights, at http://www.heal-online.org/getsmart.htm.  Be sure to get involved locally and at the state level on your issue and don't be fooled by hopes of solving all your problems by focusing on federal legislators and legislation.  And, if you are a victim of systemic oppression, HEAL cares and we understand you may not be in a place to offer any help as a volunteer or supporter.  But, we are fighting for you and will keep fighting!

Saturday, October 27, 2018

Removal of Posts

Removal of Posts
By Angela Smith, HEAL National Coordinator/Co-Founder

Because the Green Party has aligned with the most corrupt, that being the Democrats, I no longer support the Green Party, but, still like their platform best.  So, I deleted an article critical of the Libertarian Party, whom at this point, if taken at their word, is the best party for ending war, cleaning government of corruption and waste, and returning the economy to a free market in which consumers will reportedly have rights restored to quality over quantity.  But, there is some debate about that too.

That being said, I took down some movie reviews and some other posts that I felt had served their purpose.  And, I left posts that may require knowledge of things you may never read to understand.  But, you can always pick up a copy of any of my books available (some for free, some not) at http://www.beyondbusiness.net.  And, if you do so, you may run across a post that disappeared.

I may not be able to edit or change my entire internet history or protect what has already been shared from data-miners and private/public surveillance partnerships and interference in the daily lives of any and all Americans, apparently, but, I can delete posts and here that means something.

So, I've deleted some posts and I plan to leave certain social media sites while primarily using any I remain on for public comment only as it is public or used to manipulate the public regardless of said in private messages, secret groups, or posted on a page hosted by a popular social media site.

I will leave up the youtube videos available at http://www.youtube.com/HEALwantsTEENliberty and suggest you watch the ones about Twitter and the Tribute to Seattle Reign to understand (or not) the performance art piece that was sparked by a temporary ban on Twitter resulting from a joke tweet made about Wendi McLendon-Covey to raise awareness about modern slavery and human tracking I posted on the 4th of July.

Fighting institutionalized child abuse and human trafficking is difficult and stressful.  Having a sense of humor and enjoying the arts while knowing a bit about how to perform can result in merging art with life and create a spectacle intended to make a point that everyone has a bad moment and celebrity or not, we all deserve acceptance, forgiveness, and a second chance.  This goes especially for Roseanne Barr and Drake as well as Oliver Stone and Russell Crowe (and Alec Baldwin).  I think it is shameful that one bad moment or a string of them, possibly induced by personal or professional stress, results in public shunning and humiliation of people who deserve compassion, respect, and at least to have their side heard before anyone rushes to judgment or bandwagons against them.

This has been the overall point of my entire performance art piece up to this moment and I explained it in other ways here on this blog and elsewhere.  If you want to see any of the articles that are missing, buy the books or e-mail me if you can figure out how.

Wednesday, October 24, 2018

A Look At Personal Responsibility


A Look At Personal Responsibility
by Angela Smith, HEAL National Coordinator/Co-Founder

Have you ever been to a restaurant where families, couples, or friends were all on their devices checking social media while ignoring "wait staff" and each other for the entire duration of your meal, including service?  Well, I've experienced it and I'm pretty sure most of society has devolved into button pushing idiots, including government officials.

Should we blame RAND Corporation?  Well, I believe their "market research" and manipulation of public opinion to reinforce every evil imaginable, including war and modern slavery, is at the crux of the issue.  Everyone looks for approval and RAND Corporation, with their influence, either encourages or discourages based on whether or not an individual supports a pre-selected role by the authoritarians at RAND Corporation.  Why would I say this?

"In the electronic age, he once wrote for RAND, the role of masses in elections will be a “programmed response to a previously selected alternative . . . To use electronic media well requires ‘market research’ into habits, desires and tastes of the target audiences,” and success will depend on “the level of analytic competence in utilizing the electronic media of mass communication.”"[1]

So, are our opinions being tracked and manipulated in a manner that induces the "manufacturing of consent" as Noam Chomsky has suggested?[2]  And, is our participation in social media making it easier or more difficult to persuade or manufacture consent for war, modern slavery, or any evil you can name?  Might modern counter-intelligence operations involve tracking such interactions and using analytic data to manipulate or trigger individuals, including those with known trauma triggers such as survivors of institutionalized abuse or human trafficking?  And, does RAND Corp handle analyzing social media for the government and Wall Street?  Yes.[3][4]

Now, considering the above coupled with the "surveillance state" in which most, if not all, of our movements individually and collectively are tracked, does that make us more free from undue influence or subjects to undue influences like manipulation and the manufacturing of consent?  Beyond this question, how isolated do you feel even when surrounded by supposed loved ones who don't understand you and would rather be on a device than acknowledge you exist?  And, do you accept any responsibility for choosing to isolate while pretending to be social?  If the majority are engaging in this "Brave New World" by supposed choice (undue influence is certainly at play here), then what is left for anyone who still remains sentient enough to question the status quo and demand respect, truth, freedom and justice?  Perhaps, only the art world can save us now.  And, expect more performance art of which this may or may not be an example.

I refuse to be enslaved by ignorance, stupidity, and apathy and that includes anyone exhibiting such characteristics be they individuals or organizations.  My hope is that enough people agree that we can stop the forcible drugging (which leads to apathy, amnesia/memory loss, drops in IQ, and more) and exploitation of all American citizens, particularly school children who are not given a choice and whose parents may be unduly influenced by profiteering charlatans masquerading as experts in any professional field.  The children deserve a hopeful future of social acceptance, upward mobility, and respect for individual privacy and free thought.  This is what I dedicate my life to achieving and hope very much anyone reading this understands where the undue influence is coming from and what may need to be done to set things right.

I will continue to work on legislative efforts and publicly share the findings of my independent research in hopes to enrich the public discourse by providing factual information that is not manipulated or skewed to support anything but objective truth and reasonable ethical standards.  How I determine if something is a reasonable ethical standard?  I ask, "Would I want everyone to be treated this way, including myself?"  If the answer is "no", I do my best to avoid treating anyone in a manner I would not wish to be treated.  Golden rule.  Kindergarten or pre-school, typically learned by then. 

Everyone has a bad moment and may exhibit a crisis of conscience from time to time, but, that's where forgiveness and open communication helps.  Nobody is perfect, including me.  And, I admit that.  However, I'm always willing to correct myself and apologize if that will restore harmony.  I find that RAND Corporation has influenced the majority to accept being medically disabled by pharmaceuticals and adversely influenced by their manipulation of the marketplace of ideas.  As an activist who cares about human rights and civil liberties, I feel RAND Corporation is treasonous and a threat to national security.  I have no idea why the Department of Defense is letting RAND Corporation do this or funding them to the tune of hundreds of millions of taxpayer dollars annually,[5] but, it seems like a good time for another Tea Party.  It is wholly unacceptable to enslave, tax, and control the entire economic and political system while claiming we are in a democracy or even a legitimate republic as opposed to a Banana Republic.  RAND Corporation's CEO is the editor of the Wall Street Journal.  See previous articles for more information on RAND Corporation or check out: https://amzn.to/2RbYTMI

Personal responsibility?  Yes, we are all responsible and often unduly influenced by factors beyond our control leading us to the downfall of civilization.  But, knowledge is power.  And, if we choose to know we can reclaim our power.  Will you choose to be more informed, think for yourself (rather than parrot RAND Corp prepared talking points) or continue to be manipulated?  Freethinkers and Light Warriors unite!  Question more.

Sunday, October 14, 2018

Perspective: Woman to Woman


Perspective: Woman to Woman
By Angela Smith, HEAL National Coordinator/Co-Founder

If you follow this blog and various social media postings, you may have heard reference to "Nursery Rhyme Bitch" and the like and not understand what is meant by the phrase.  Well, "Nursery Rhyme Bitch" means someone who is stuck on nursery rhymes intellectually and apparently never read much after pre-school.  Now, that is used as an insult.  But, there are gradations, and some people may be considered "Fairytale Bitches".

A "Fairytale Bitch" is someone who considers themselves worthy of the life of the heroine in a fairytale while acting more like the villainess of a fairytale.  For example, "mean girls" act like Cinderella's stepsisters and expect to actually marry the prince by just showing up and demanding attention and gratuities.  But, the heroine, Cinderella in this example, is a childhood victim of what I would call a "redhatter" who catnapped her father, killed him, then turned his beloved child (who loved the book she left him, her most treasured possession, so she reads) into a slave while stealing her inheritance.  Now, "Fairytale Bitches" don't often get rewarded by marrying a nice, loving, guy in the stories.  Cinderella is one of the exceptions because her father fell for the "redhatter".  Some people never learn that part and there is a reason. 

The reason is confusion regarding messaging caused by the Women's Liberation Movement.  By spoiling little girls from the "me generation" while telling them women can be and do whatever they want, no limits, some little girls grow up thinking they deserve the world just because they were born female.  Hillary Clinton is a prime example of this and someone I would call a "Fairytale Bitch".  She believes in "black magic" according to online sources.  Feel free to look it up.  And, she didn't understand that you have to be ethical, moral, good-hearted, and willing to serve others to win in the end.  So, that makes her more of a "Nursery Rhyme Bitch", because she didn't get the point of the fairytales.

Hillary Clinton is clearly not in politics for the greater good and that goes for the majority of politicians.  She is in it for money and power only.  This is clear when examining her gay laughter regarding Libya and "jokes" about assassinating President Obama and Julian Assange.  Good people don't laugh at destroying a country and leaving it open to modern slavery.  Good people don't joke about killing their political opponents during a primary.  Good people don't threaten to kill journalists for reporting the truth in a "democracy".  So, three strikes and you are out.  And, why she is still even given a minute of airtime or consideration by anyone is beyond reason.

That being said, good women without positive role models in their lives or very few, can learn from fiction and non-fiction stories of truly heroic and good women like the real heroines of fairytale lore.  Dana Gottesfeld is a prime example of this.  In a desperate situation, her true love and prince, did everything to help her free her brother from a dire situation.  Her husband, Martin "Marty" Gottesfeld, being a true hero, worked tirelessly with Dana's support, to free a stranger to both of them from institutionalized abuse.  That stranger, now family friend, being Justina Pelletier.  She was finally freed from her torturous conditions.  But, as a result, Marty is now behind bars.  Rolling Stone Magazine deems him "The Hacker Who Cared Too Much".[1]  This beautiful couple could really use your support.  Please visit www.freemartyg.com to see how you can help.

There are many good women in the world.  But, many have been caught in a system of manipulation orchestrated by women of yesteryear who claim that was necessary for survival before women were allowed in the workplace.  That argument doesn't fly because women have been working throughout history.  Single women have held many jobs from service to politics.  Have you ever heard of a Queen?  Is that not work?  It might depend on the queen.  Have you ever heard of a barmaid or bar wench?  What era did those phrases come from and do you consider that work?  See, women didn't have to get married to survive at any point in history.  That's a misnomer.  Women who don't wish to work and think they can manipulate everyone around them to avoid ever having to do so because they are self-absorbed and believe they can pout their way into or out of any situation they don't care for while getting paid to do nothing at all, don't deserve anything, including your attention.

In an agricultural economy the entire family tends to help on the farm.  In a household economy, closed-household economy at times, the entire family contributes to making sure the entire family's needs are met.  Even in hunter-gatherer tribes, women work, even unmarried women.  So, claiming women were not in the workplace, unable to get work, or couldn't survive without a man at any point, is inaccurate and part of the manipulation by some women on other women when we call them out for being lazy, self-absorbed, greedy, often heartless manipulators.

 I love my true sisters.  We are smart, we read, we love, we care, and we devote ourselves to helping others.  Dana Gottesfeld and I are both examples of this and there are many more.  I encourage every woman to be honest and ask themselves if the roles were reversed in my relationship (with anyone, including relatives or other women), how would I feel on the receiving end of my own actions?  If you would feel exploited, abused, neglected, insulted, or disrespected should someone treat you or expect what you expect of them without returning the favor, then you are the problem in your relationships. 

If you disregard this article and think it doesn't apply to you because you are special, you are a narcissistic bitch who is lucky not to have been murdered or institutionalized by someone with the ability and access to do the job.  Being a compassionate person, I try to understand why some serial killers (i.e. DeSalvo/Boston Strangler) do what they do so I can find forgiveness.  In researching DeSalvo, I believe his mother was a "Nursery Rhyme Bitch" of the highest order and understand why he had issues.  However, since he didn't at least start with his mother and then make sure his victims were just like her or close enough, I find he lacked the self-control of Ted Bundy and therefore found forgiveness more difficult in his case.  Ted Bundy is a lot like me and I relate to his intellect, sense of humor, and struggle with class boundaries.  He was from a poor family and raised by a single mother.  He worked hard and was brilliant.  He would have been an excellent lawyer.  He fell for a rich bitch (Hillary Clinton type, most likely) and she rejected him because her father thought he wasn't good enough because of his humble beginnings.  Given his struggle to achieve his dreams and his heartbreak by a cold, ruthless bitch, I understand why he snapped.  However, I think a life well lived may have been the better revenge in that scenario.  I'm happy he was able to find some humor by turning himself in and then having himself let go because the police didn't think he was telling the truth when he confessed.  And, I'm sure he humored himself with his successful prison escapes as well.  So, he remains in my prayers as my brother and I hope God found forgiveness for him as I did.  Since God has a greater capacity for forgiveness than I may have, I assume Bundy is on the side of the angels.

Hoping everyone enjoys this article and understands it was written out of love and compassion for good people and people who strive to be good everywhere.  If you are angry right now, I'd recommend not crossing my path or contacting me.  If this article was written by anyone else, I'd love it and want to be their friend.  So, we may have different perspectives on things, but, haters can fuck off and die.  Your choice on how it ends unless you piss the wrong person off at the wrong time.  Hoping you live a life that gives hope and comfort to those who need a touch of kindness to avoid a "snap".  I do my best in that regard and respect others that do the same.
 
If you enjoyed this article, you may also like "The Karmic Crew" by Angela Smith.  You can find links to this book and more at www.beyondbusiness.net. 

Wednesday, October 3, 2018

Suggested Tips for Dating Success

Suggested Tips for Dating Success
By Angela Smith, HEAL National Coordinator/Co-Founder

It seems to me that we could all avoid "bad dates" by taking a few precautions and being more honest about our expectations.  I've had my share of "bad dates" and now follow some basic rules that I provide to you as tips for dating success.

1.  Know What You Want Out Of A Date: If you are whorish, you may want a free meal or other gifts and may feel entitled to such just for the "benefit of your company".  However, such a position means you do not feel the other person is also entitled to feel you are benefiting from their company without additional compensation or payment.  To avoid being treated as a whore, perhaps go "Dutch" on all dates until you are ready to trade or actually are intimately or romantically interested in the other party.  This will help you avoid "Aziz Ansari" type exploitative situations in which no one is satisfied and the benefactor is most harmed.

2.  Be Honest And Up Front:  You don't have to go into great detail about your sexual history.  And, this only needs to be discussed if you would like to have sex with the other person involved at some point.  But, if you are concerned about unplanned pregnancy or disease, you will want to share at least a modicum of personal medical or health information and ask the other do the same.  If there are known deal-breakers for you such as incurable diseases or refusing monogamous commitment whilst enjoying physical intimacy, you should convey that to the other person.  If you don't trust someone or know them well enough to know whether or not they are lying about any of it, wait until you are certain or have medical documentation backing up their claims.  Protection isn't foolproof and this is the best way to avoid the unfortunate consequences of  instant gratification.

3.  Don't Lead People On:  This really goes with the first tip.  If you are not interested in the person and only interested in what they can do for you, then you are a whore and should admit that going in and act accordingly.  If you are not a whore and a "spouse-in-waiting" for the right person, then be honest about that too.  Some people are only interested in whores.  So, you want to make sure when you accept an offer for a date that the person you are going out with understands your position and you are not under the mistaken impression that a gentleman asked you out and insisted on paying even though you offered to go "Dutch" and then asked you to touch them inappropriately on a first date because they paid.  See, regardless of gender, we could all avoid possible legal issues by being more honest.

4.  Don't Accept A Date Request Just To Be Nice:  I did this once.  The guy had a crush on me for over a decade.  I felt bad because I ran into him after years of not seeing him and he just lit up.  I was like, "okay, he still likes me and finally had the courage to ask me out."  I thought if he finally had his courage and was brave enough to ask me out that it would help him find the confidence to seek his true love, which wasn't me and I knew it, if I agreed.  So, I kind of took one for the team.  That team being "true love".  We had one date.  I kissed him once.  But, didn't go out with him again.  He soon after met his true love and they are now happily married.  Judge me if you wish.  (Now, if your motives are not like mine and you are a whore, don't do this shit to a nice person.  It is wrong and you might in my opinion deserve a violent response if you use people like this often with no consideration for the feelings of others or the mayhem that may result from someone nice having their heart broken or dreams shattered one too many times.)

5.  Remember People Are People:  If you play sadistic and cruel games to manipulate others and they get mad when they realize this, you are the problem and they have a right to be pissed.  If you are a good person, please don't assume everyone you meet is also good.  Remember Anne Frank believed that and died in a Nazi concentration camp.  So, you can believe in your own goodness and when you truly know someone else, believe in their goodness too.  But, "stranger danger" is a real thing and we have a lot of resources reporting evil in the world including crimes of violence such as rape, drugging people against their will, kidnapping, and more.  Do not suspend your disbelief in the existence or possibility of crime to go somewhere alone with someone you barely know who may not be honest about their intentions going into the date.  I have a male friend who reported being raped by a woman at a party after he claims she drugged him and he couldn't fight back.  I believe survivors.
 
In using the word whore, I didn't specify gender on purpose.  Anyone can be a whore regardless of gender.  But, good people who respect themselves and others do not engage in that lifestyle and protect themselves and everyone they know and/or love from such exploitation and needless heartache.  I hope you found this helpful.