By Angela Smith, HEAL National Coordinator/Co-Founder
It seems to me that we could all avoid "bad dates" by taking a few precautions and being more honest about our expectations. I've had my share of "bad dates" and now follow some basic rules that I provide to you as tips for dating success.
1. Know What You Want Out Of A Date: If you are whorish, you may want a free meal or other gifts and may feel entitled to such just for the "benefit of your company". However, such a position means you do not feel the other person is also entitled to feel you are benefiting from their company without additional compensation or payment. To avoid being treated as a whore, perhaps go "Dutch" on all dates until you are ready to trade or actually are intimately or romantically interested in the other party. This will help you avoid "Aziz Ansari" type exploitative situations in which no one is satisfied and the benefactor is most harmed.
2. Be Honest And Up Front: You don't have to go into great detail about your sexual history. And, this only needs to be discussed if you would like to have sex with the other person involved at some point. But, if you are concerned about unplanned pregnancy or disease, you will want to share at least a modicum of personal medical or health information and ask the other do the same. If there are known deal-breakers for you such as incurable diseases or refusing monogamous commitment whilst enjoying physical intimacy, you should convey that to the other person. If you don't trust someone or know them well enough to know whether or not they are lying about any of it, wait until you are certain or have medical documentation backing up their claims. Protection isn't foolproof and this is the best way to avoid the unfortunate consequences of instant gratification.
3. Don't Lead People On: This really goes with the first tip. If you are not interested in the person and only interested in what they can do for you, then you are a whore and should admit that going in and act accordingly. If you are not a whore and a "spouse-in-waiting" for the right person, then be honest about that too. Some people are only interested in whores. So, you want to make sure when you accept an offer for a date that the person you are going out with understands your position and you are not under the mistaken impression that a gentleman asked you out and insisted on paying even though you offered to go "Dutch" and then asked you to touch them inappropriately on a first date because they paid. See, regardless of gender, we could all avoid possible legal issues by being more honest.
4. Don't Accept A Date Request Just To Be Nice: I did this once. The guy had a crush on me for over a decade. I felt bad because I ran into him after years of not seeing him and he just lit up. I was like, "okay, he still likes me and finally had the courage to ask me out." I thought if he finally had his courage and was brave enough to ask me out that it would help him find the confidence to seek his true love, which wasn't me and I knew it, if I agreed. So, I kind of took one for the team. That team being "true love". We had one date. I kissed him once. But, didn't go out with him again. He soon after met his true love and they are now happily married. Judge me if you wish. (Now, if your motives are not like mine and you are a whore, don't do this shit to a nice person. It is wrong and you might in my opinion deserve a violent response if you use people like this often with no consideration for the feelings of others or the mayhem that may result from someone nice having their heart broken or dreams shattered one too many times.)
5. Remember People Are People: If you play sadistic and cruel games to manipulate others and they get mad when they realize this, you are the problem and they have a right to be pissed. If you are a good person, please don't assume everyone you meet is also good. Remember Anne Frank believed that and died in a Nazi concentration camp. So, you can believe in your own goodness and when you truly know someone else, believe in their goodness too. But, "stranger danger" is a real thing and we have a lot of resources reporting evil in the world including crimes of violence such as rape, drugging people against their will, kidnapping, and more. Do not suspend your disbelief in the existence or possibility of crime to go somewhere alone with someone you barely know who may not be honest about their intentions going into the date. I have a male friend who reported being raped by a woman at a party after he claims she drugged him and he couldn't fight back. I believe survivors.
In using the word whore, I didn't specify gender on purpose. Anyone can be a whore regardless of gender. But, good people who respect themselves and others do not engage in that lifestyle and protect themselves and everyone they know and/or love from such exploitation and needless heartache. I hope you found this helpful.